As many of you know, Paul Kang Sensei was a man of few words.
He never said much, but his deeds and quiet manner spoke for him and
in turn, revealed the integrity and beauty of his character. Paul was
unique in that while he was wise and insightful, he also embodied the
qualities of innocence and purity as well - a very rare combination.
I came to know Paul Sensei through his deeds and gracious ways, and
this is why I rose so deeply in love with who he is.
 I will be forever grateful to Paul Sensei for providing the highest
level of training which is to teach and lead by example. I
appreciated that Paul could be tender and loving with me as his wife
and at the same time, be tough and fierce with me on the mat. As many
of you have witnessed, he didn't favor me on the mat; I suspect he was
even harder on me. The punch came right in if I didn't get out of the
way. Yet, as fierce as he could be, I pursued training with him
trusting that he would take me just a few notches above my level but
never beyond my limitations.
Even before my personal involvement with Paul Sensei, as his
student, I had the highest regard for him. I was intrigued by his
quiet but profound presence and his unassuming ways. I admired his
sincerity and devotion to what he deemed worthy, and I was touched by
his openness and sense of fairness. In truth, Paul was everything I
not only admired, but also, everything I wished to become. I always
felt a deep connection to Paul, and later on, he told me that he too,
had also felt it. Up until then, the only thing I had ever shared
with Paul was the cleaning of the dojo, yet somehow we were drawn to
each other, and once we connected on a personal level, we were
destined to be together no matter what. A few times, the truth of
what we had found in each other brought us to tears of joy and awe.
Our marriage was as quiet and unpretentious as is Paul, yet as intense
and loving as is Paul.
 The impact that Paul has had on my life is beyond expression. He
is not only my husband, but also my sensei and best friend. He
remains my love, my truth and my gift. He is living proof that
couples can share a relationship that borders on the sacred. Before
him, I didn't believe this possible, but now, I know otherwise.
Recently, at Saotome Sensei's 70th birthday, we were seated
at the head table and served by those who are my senior. I was quite
uneasy and whispered to Paul, “I should be serving them.”
He in turn, whispered back, “Quiet now. You are a part of
me.” Other times he'd say, “We're stuck together like glue.”
Those words echo in my mind, because they capture the intensity of the
bond between us. And yes, Paul you are deeply ingrained in my heart
and soul, and I suspect that you occupy the very best in me.
 It is inexplicable to lose both my husband and my father on the
same day. My son, Perry believes that it's no coincidence that Paul
and my father passed within minutes of each other. Perhaps, there is
some mystical truth in this in that Paul was deeply committed to his
family. As it is with everyone, my two adult children loved him very
much. Perry noted, “Paul was more of a role-model to me than my own
father had ever been.”
And now, although Paul has passed on to a higher level, he did not
leave me without comfort or direction. I need only to recall his
teaching to give me the answers that he himself exemplified. As he
demonstrated so many times, I can still see and hear him say, “Irimi
and go right in; Absorb the attack - even if you get hit.” This is my
answer from Paul - to irimi and absorb the blow even though it's
painful and filled with much loss and longing. It will take me a
lifetime, but I will try to “Absorb the blow,” Meanwhile, although
it's a struggle, I will keep training in the memory of the most
incredible man that I have ever had the honor to know and to love - my
husband and sensei, Paul Kang. This is what Paul taught me not
through words, but by his example. This is Paul Sensei's legacy to
all who know him.
I am deeply shocked and saddened, but Paul has a place in my heart
where he will live on; he is with me always. As he noted, we are a
part of each other. I need to believe that he is not gone, just
transformed. I am consoled with the peace of knowing that I could not
have loved him any better. It's been most comforting to see the
outpouring of love and support for Paul. Yet, I'm not surprised,
because to know him is to love him. It's that simple. It's a
blessing to know him, an honor to be his wife and student, and it was
a privilege to have taken care of him and be with him when he passed.
 Loyalty and devotion were most important to Paul and it's
reassuring to know that the people he loved most were there. I wish
to extend my sincere gratitude to both Saotome Shihan and Patty Sensei
for personally visiting Paul in the hospital and Ikeda Sensei for
flying from Boulder to New York to attend (as he put it) his “Aikido
brother's” memorial as did Kevin Choate Sensei who flew from Chicago.
It was touching to witness the loving and consistent care that Paul's
sister, Jung Sin Lee extended to her brother along with her son,
Joon-Ho and her husband who flew in from Japan. And then, there were
my family members. My senior aunts insisted on visiting Paul despite
their own fragility and my numerous cousins along with my two adult
children all offered their support. We were a diverse group who
characterized Paul's life, but all of us shared in the common bond of
love for Paul. One of my cousins put it best at Paul's Memorial when
she remarked, “Your husband must have been a very special man.”
Finally, there is his home away from home - The Bond Street Dojo.
Although there are too many to mention, Paul's students, both past and
present were there. Chris Jordan Sensei visited Paul twice a day and
Sempai Max Abramowitz actually brought in an outside neurologist. And
then, there is Paul's beloved and loyal student of 27 years - Sempai
Chris Griffin who was and is my tower of strength. Throughout Paul's
illness, she stood by my side and was involved in every aspect of
Paul's condition and medical care. Sempai Chris spent the last night
in the hospital with me and was present at his peaceful passing. The
Bond Street Dojo, the Aikido Community, family, friends, students and
teachers granted Paul's deepest wish - Paul Kang Sensei passed away
surrounded by those who were loyal and devoted. Just as there are no
words that can describe the despair and pain in losing Paul, there are
no words that can express my deep gratitude to all of you. Thank you.
With much gratitude...Debra Hyndman Kang |
